Sunday 5 July 2015

Born on 28th October

I was born on 28th October 1981 in Athens, Greece. 28th October is a Greek national holiday celebrated throughout Greece, Cyprus and the Greek communities around the world each year. Ohi Day (Greek: Επετειος του Οχι, Epetios tou ohi meaning “Anniversary of No”) commemorates the day that Greek dictator Ioannis Metaxas rejected the ultimatum given by Italian dictator, Benito Mussolini, on October 28, 1940, the Hellenic counterattack against the invading Italian forces at the mountains of Pindus during the Greco-Italian War and the Greek Resistance during the Axis occupation.

My father survived the Axis occupation (Greek: Η Κατοχή, I Katochi, meaning "The Occupation"). His father was a general who was lost during the war. He had 4 siblings, an eldest sister and 3 brothers, they have passed away, who his mother raised on her own. Times were hard for them but they made it through and they all got educated and some got to universities and did very well for themselves. My father is a civil engineer and my memories are of him in his office in Bahrain, where we lived up until the Gulf War, drowning in blue prints. I loved it when my mother took me to his office to visit him. My father is my hero and I always looked up to him and wanted to be as good as him at my job; I too wanted to have a job that I got lost in for hours as he did. He worked with great zeal, he was meticulous, calculative and honest. Honest, what a great word and what a great word to describe my father by.


You see the sad thing is that a quality as that nowadays is considered a weakness, especially in a country like Greece. I have heard my mother regretfully say that “if we were clever, like the others, we would have financial security”. Yes, living in Greece at times felt like eat or be eaten. Whether you liked it or not, you had to either join them or fight them, and they were just too many. My father made a lot of money and lost a lot of money, but that’s ok. One thing I have learned in my life is, that money comes and goes, but what stays is you; your values, your morals, your conscience and your family.

My father worked hard, didn’t steal or cheat, raised a family and paid his taxes. And today? Is he enjoying the liberties of having worked hard and paying taxes? Is he enjoying his pension? Well, today my father is withdrawing 50€ a day, because the banks are in fact out of €20 notes, so they can’t even get the 60€ they were promised. Is he worried? Is my mother worried? My sisters? My cousin? I think it’s gone beyond that. There used to be stress and worry, and somehow, somewhere it’s gone beyond that. We had to adjust to living with less. We had to adjust to spending what we actually earned, which is a good thing I think. Then we had to adjust to austerity measures, “haratsi” taxes (special property tax levy that doubled the amount due, and which was put into electricity bills) and bills that we were unable to pay. The first time you cannot pay, yes, you stress. Then more bills, then less pension and then it gets so big, so far from you, so impossible, so unreal and you are just so powerless that it just doesn’t even touch you anymore. Today, we are just trying to survive. We have lost it all and what we are desperately trying to hold onto is the will to continue living. When all is gone and you are still here, you realize that all you want is your health and your loved ones.

I don’t own a television and a lot of times, I miss things happening in the world. I am not proud of this and It’s not a disinterest in the world, I just don’t like submitting myself to this fear driven news reporting; it’s just too much sometimes for me. Free daily newspapers on the tube I find are too trashy featuring tabloid news and on top of that, mostly filled with fear creating stories of deaths, rapes and disasters. I don’t feel that political views are subjectively reported and so I just don’t follow. With politics I also lacked interest and failed to inform myself up until a week ago. I was at a dinner with friends and met a friend of theirs, a banker, who of course upon hearing I was Greek preceded to ask me what I thought would happen in Greece. I had no idea of the referendum as I had not informed myself. The next day, I was driven by a strong desire to get informed; and I did. I spent hours that day, and hours every day since, reading posts and articles on this situation, posts on blogs, posts of friends and strangers on facebook and on news reporting websites, and speaking to people I know had a good political or economic knowledge. I wanted to know and I wanted to understand.

Today is a big day for my country. 
I wish I was there to contribute with my vote but for the last 3 years I live in London. I guess I gave up on my country three years ago as I knew that I could not follow my dream there. Like I said, I wanted to be like my father and have a career like his, and like my father, I knew that to do that, I had to leave Greece. Many lately have said to me that I did well as yes, for my career and future it seems to have been a good decision. It does not make me happy however, as I know I speak for every Greek forced to become an immigrant that there is no place like home. I am Greek and I always will be. And I always will be proud to be Greek. No one will ever take that away from me. My country is beautiful and my people, when they are loving, are welcoming and warm and loud and passionate and radiate. The sun, the sea, the Greek food and temperament and the Greek family bond will always be in my heart. 

Today we Greeks will vote.

I personally, in my humble opinion formed from the extensive examining of materials available on the internet, believe that we should say no. And going back to Ohi Day, the date I was born on, remembering that over 70 years ago, us Greeks once before stood up and said no and fought for our right to freedom.


I believe there should be a united Europe but a Europe with such an imbalance between its countries is not in my opinion united. United to me, means to support each other, and not nail each other down into the ground. We say that Greeks are at each other’s throats but does it not feel that this Europe is the same? I do not want Greece out of Europe or out of the euro but it is my understanding that even if that were to happen, even if we return to the drachma, we have a chance, yes in many years to restructure our economy. Saying yes, seems like saying yes to a situation we know doesn’t work. To a situation that will bring my people to their knees. And saying yes out of fear is simply something I refuse to do.

All I wish is that we consider Greece’s best interest. I wish that Greeks unite with love to fight for their right to a life. Old people deserve to enjoy their old age with the pension they have earned, young people have a right to dream. We have been robbed of our simple human rights to living and this has to stop. I do not care to argue left or right wing, I care for a better Greece, a united Greece, one where we all take responsibility together for our country, where we care about our neighbour and where we all pay all our taxes.


I am not religious, but the last week, I have been praying that "God" takes care of our Greece and that my people vote with the best interest of our country.

I say OXI.

No to bowing my head low, no to hatred and anger, no to a broken Greece, no to more unemployment and reduced pensions, and no to corruption. May today yield the best result for my country and my people.

Greece, I love you.

Thursday 28 May 2015

πάθος



My memory fails me these days. Lack of training it, abuse of alcohol and drugs, getting older or just a bit of all. I find nonetheless that some things still stick with me- words.

That is words, to me, from people that I have crossed paths with throughout my life. People who have stigmatised our crossing with their words either because of my deep love for them or because they played an important role in my choice of next path to follow. I believe that everything happens for a reason and also that once you love someone, a part of you always does. I remember reading somewhere that love is like energy; it's never lost but it changes "state".

So, I was just thinking about the above quote, not sure why it came to mind, I think it was because I recently met a woman, a friend of my mother's, and the next time she saw my mother she commented upon our acquaintance by saying what a sweet "child" I was (as grown ups tend to compliment each others children I think) and my mother made a point that she went on to make the observation that, "She seems so calm".

Now, anyone who knows me for years should be perplexed by such an observation with regards to my person. My own mother passed this information on a little confused. I can understand and I can assure you that no one has ever said that about me before. However, today I smile because I know why. Mostly I smile because this is true.

My ex, said to me towards the end of our relationship that he feared me sometimes. More specifically he said, "Your passion...I love your passion but at the same time, it's what scares me the most". I remember feeling both offended but proud upon hearing those words, upon further thought I remained unsure as to whether this was good or if it was bad. You see, I used to think that my passion was what defined me. I believed that to be passionate was my heritage because I am Greek; that because I take after my mother and her strong temperament; because I considered myself fearless and honest and that I knew how to be faithful to my heart and my beliefs.

And when it came to love, oh my, I believed that my passion was a reflection of how deep and true I loved my man.

I remember the shock I felt when I first read the literal definition of the word passion in Greek - πάθος.


My brain short circuited. Pain? Suffering? How can something I consider a quality have such a negative connotation I wondered.

If I am honest, I have to admit that up until recently, I was severely spiritually unwell. I have come to realise that I had a permanent pair of beer goggles on not only for choosing my one night stands (the horror!) but mainly for observing life through; life, people, places and things. Their roles in my  story were always interpreted with a horrifying, paranoid, twist to the plot and let me tell you, it was never a happy ending.

However, today, I realised that this passion has died down. It's not gone, because I am still at the beginning of my journey and I have a long road ahead of me to true serenity and peace of mind but I can now see that passion is an extremity, I can recognise it and although I still like to do things passionately, (which nowadays I interpret as merely putting my heart into it) I have let go of my obsessive perfectionism and I find myself learning to love imperfection - more and more everyday. Every day I practice letting go and acceptance; it's work in progress and some days I am less successful but I have learned to accept that too. Today it has dawned on me that this new way of living has no room for passion; passion is suffering and yes, suffering is a part of our lives but I am done with this self-inflicted suffering. Today if I am given the choice, I choose less suffering, less passion and more peace.

"You are fire. There is an energy in you that draws people in. Fire can burn but it can also be good; fire can provide warmth and light. It's just about learning to keep it under control." Some more memorable words spoken to me by my therapist a few months ago. Never truer.

Once upon a time there was no lie in her fire but her fire was raging and burnt her to ashes.
From these she has risen, still mad and magic but her fire has been reduced to the flame of a candle, once in a while glaring up a little as if to remind her of her past πάθος

Tuesday 4 March 2014

I am Me

I am me
And me is self destructive
And emotional
Passionate
Angry, very angry
Hurting
But loves
And is loving
And cares so much
For you that loves me
But also for you that doesnt
Or for you that loves me a little but not enough to care and most certainly not more than yourself
I love
I loved
I dont fall in love anymore
I protect myself
How sad to love in this way
Imagine being able to love knowing that you would never get hurt
How would you love then?
Imagine you could jump off the cliff and you could fly as far as possible
How far would you leap?

I am me
And love me
Or leave me

Friday 13 December 2013

Walking in the mist

You choose the path you are walking on.
You choose the next path you will take.
And the ones you took are behind you; some so far back you can barely see them anymore.
But so are the ones ahead, so far ahead you can barely see where they lead.
I feel I am forever walking in the mist.
I claim to lack a sense of direction while navigating my way around towns and cities; could this in fact be a reflection of my state of mind?

Sometimes life moves so fast that I find you don't get a chance to realise your surroundings.
Who walks beside you?
Is anyone walking beside you?
Or are you following? Are you leading?
Do you want to travel with the people you have chosen around you?
Do you choose to travel alone?
Or are you alone but wish you had someone travelling by your side?
What if you took a wrong turn?
What if the person you would most like to walk with and you took separate paths?
Will your paths meet again?
Where does your path end?
What is at the end of your path?
How are you choosing your paths?
Are you true to yourself? Your principles? Your beliefs?
And I guess most important of all if I was to remind myself that the most important moment is The Present,
Is the path you are on now, at this very moment, the one you want to be on?
If yes then, good choice, keep walking.
If no then,  stop and take a breath.
Step back.
Look ahead and go.
Go where you truly wanna go because you only get one chance to walk this path of life.



Sunday 10 November 2013

Passion, Perseverance and Patience

Sometimes when things don't turn out the way you wanted, you feel that your wanting was not enough,
but then you think of the times you wanted so much you made it happen and you compare;
have you really, faithfully, honestly and persistently given it your all this time?

If you really want, you don't give up, you won't give up, giving up is not an option.

Your passion drives your perseverance and your perseverance is viable on account of your patience, an enduring patience that persists until the realisation of your desire.



Passion 
Perseverance 
and Patience 

If you want something enough, you will make it happen, you will find a way.

A xx











Wednesday 10 October 2012

The Beaver

The beaver (genus Castor) is a primarily nocturnal, large, semi-aquatic rodent. Beavers are known for their natural trait of building dams on rivers and streams, and building their homes (known as "lodges") in the resulting pond. Beavers also build canals to float build materials that are difficult to haul over land.

They are known for their "wildness", kindness, intelligence, "sense of humour" and sexyness and are just the most BEAUTIFUL CREATURES once they let you know them and love them ;) 






Wednesday 29 August 2012

"never hide your words"














Collage, paper and ink on canvas, Aug 2012

my first collage and the most fun I have had in a long time...